93 - It is ok to let people go.

Dear David,

In your life you will meet so many people. Some people that you meet, you will see only or twice. Some people you will meet, and decide you want to play together or even become friends. So then you might see them almost every day. Its a very nice thing to have good friends and good kids to play with.

I have watched you in the Playground. You make friends quickly, like Kids do, and almost always find someone to play with. Sometimes though, you make friends with someone who does Mean things. That Kid will push the other Kids, take their Toys, or Hit. You are such a good little boy, and when you see one of your friends behaving in this way, your normal reaction is to ask in your squeaky little voice "Hey! Why did you did that?"

Sometimes the bad behavior stops. People can change, sometimes. But, sometimes it doesn't. Some people just like to be Mean. It gets very hard when the people who are Mean are also your friends. Maybe they are not Mean to you, only to other people. Or maybe they are Mean to you, but you still hold on to them, because they are your friend, and you love them.

But when you stay friends with somebody who is Mean to other Kids, you are making it easier for that Kid to be Mean. He feels he has your support. If a Kid is Mean to other Kids, he will probably be Mean to you too, one day.

How someone treats other people is a good predictor of how they might treat you. Watch what people do. There are lots of people in the world. Hold on to the ones who are good. It is ok to let the other people go.

94 - Frustration Occurs Most Often When People Don't Know How to Contribute

Dear David,

I remember when you were Little, and could not yet speak well. You would occasionally, whine, cry, or even have a tantrum, for reasons that had no obvious explanation at the time.

The root cause was, that you had developed more sophisticated needs than your language skills could express. I would ask you, "What's wrong, David?" and you would even more frustrated.

If only you could have said, "I would like to help set the table for dinner, please", things would have been so much better for both of us. I could have shown you how to set the table or, more likely, explained why it was not presently a good idea to have you handling sharp utensils and glassware. But, you could not use your words.

Communication between us has improved markedly since you were Number Two. Your tantrums are rare now, thank goodness.

But you will always find times when you are frustrated, and when people around you are frustrated, too. People want to help, but sometimes they do not know how. Sometimes, people just don't know what to say or do.

When those moments of frustration occur, try to remember that people are good, and want to contribute. What you can do to be helpful at those moments, is to try and understand the source of others' frustration. Maybe you can't do anything about the thing that is frustrating them, but you can try and help them understand it. Helping other people understand how to contribute, is a very useful thing. Try to help people find their words.

Love,

Daddy